tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
