I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
