how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
