yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
