He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
