32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
