I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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