Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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