Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
