they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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