I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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