Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
