Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
