just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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