i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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