Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
time to smoke my breakfast
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
