i already hear my dad disowning me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
