His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
