he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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