Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
