i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pants are for mortals
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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