I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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