His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
