Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
