Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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