i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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