naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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