My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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