I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
