i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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