this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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