omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
