are you still at the devil's house?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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