who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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