He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
