Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
