Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
