Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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