Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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