i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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