just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
