His pubic hair was longer than his dick
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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