Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
