these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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