He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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