i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
