yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
