clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
