You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
