How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
