please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
