False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
