Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I want is dick and wine.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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