Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
