we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
