Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
