I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
