I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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