That's intense
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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