She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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