I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
40s are totally the cure
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
