Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
