sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
