My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
