but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
